The holidays are upon us! And the Mighty Con Geek Gift Guide is here to help you out. It’s time to buy gifts for the geek in your life, and that means you’re probably at a bit of a loss. You see, geeks tend to be a bit tough to shop for. Let’s take a quick look at why, and offer some very simple advice as to what you can do about it.
Why Geeks Are Hard To Buy For
Geeks tend to be a fairly logical breed. Not always mind you, and their passions of certain things can take them down illogical roads, but at the end of the day they tend to have a very straightforward predictable nature. That means that if there’s something essential that their life is lacking, they get it. They don’t wait and hope that it arrives as a gift, or just suffer without. The geek in your life is probably an Amazon prime member and has his credit card info saved in every site that offers one click checkout on the web. Their electric toothbrush is broken? New one on the way. Too many devices in their entertainment center? The new universal remote will be here Tuesday. The combination of logic, strong problem solving skills, and a slight impulse control problem that make up geeks everywhere mean that searching for the right item for the one in your life is going to be tough.
Now, you’re going to find a lot of guides out there recommending this product or that, hawking items that you had never heard of till clicking on that site. We’re not going to do that. No, it isn’t about some higher standard of practices or anything. We’d sell our souls to Mephisto for a whole lot less than making the world forget our secret identity. No, we’re just a bit lazy, and besides, you can shop yourself. We are here, however, to tell you how to shop.
Buy. Something. Useless.
Look, the geek in your life has everything useful thing he wants or needs. The things he doesn’t have that are useful he probably doesn’t have for a reason, namely that they’re probably way too expensive which means you can’t afford them either. But, geeks love trophies. I mean really love them. Who do you think video game achievements were invented for? They serve no actual purpose, but any true video game geek is so proud of his long list of achievements that he’s ready to burst. So try this out if you’re stumped for what to get a geek. Go out to your local comic book show. Now, find what you, as a normal functioning member of society, deem to be the most useless thing there. That. That is what you get for them.
It’s probably going to be a statue of some kind. And it’s probably going to be big. Because small statues are easy to store and display, which is why normal people love them. So forget that. If you were actually able to find your geek a life size Silver Surfer statue, something that any normal person would look at as a complete burden on their lives, said geek would likely spontaneously combust in gratitude. Seriously, it’s that easy. So stop trying to find some gadget that you think will improve their quality of life, and just make them happy. You’ll save yourself tons of time and hassle, and in the end you will now be declared the coolest person on the planet.